


A hollow new year's resolution

by dodo3000



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:08:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13190763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodo3000/pseuds/dodo3000
Summary: In a world where everything is the same except Dan and Phil are not married lol and Dan is still in love w Phil but they are only friends. Have fun reading this little new year's angst thingu





	A hollow new year's resolution

“Maybe next year I will have the courage to tell him…” a hollow new year’s resolution like always. 

Daniel laid in the guest room at his family’s place. He couldn’t sleep and scrolled through his twitter feed as if on automatic pilot. He knew exactly how far down the tweet was he wanted to read, but he was trying to fool himself. Fool himself that he didn’t care that much. Ah, there it was, the pictures of creepy dolls in the basement of some antiques shop. Dan hovered his mouse above the like button, then closed twitter altogether. He sighed in frustration. 

Being alone was infuriating, maddening. He’d grown accustomed to the daily dosage of anguish, looking into those multicolored eyes from up close, being unable to give into his desires. He wanted desperately to go back home but he’d be alone there too. Every minute Dan wasn’t close to his best friend, he was able to think more clearly and realize what kind of life he was living. And he couldn’t bear to admit that to himself. 

Dan went to the bathroom, and splashed some water onto his face. He looked in the mirror. ‘Disgusting’ said the familiar voice, but he smiled anyway, and walked back towards his room. He kind of wanted to go and pet Colin, but didn’t want to wake anyone up. Well, nobody but one person. But he’d promised himself he wouldn’t be so needy this time. 

But Phil was the one who gave Dan’s life meaning.

D: “are you up?”

P: “Yeah we’re still playing monopoly, mum’s beating all of our asses”

D: “hahahah! I can imagine :) I can’t sleep.”

P: “Watch a movie or make some tea, have a snack!”

D: “I might. What’s the score now?”

P: “I got Leicester square so that’s something”

d: “hahahahha you always buy that you spork”

P: “If I can complete the street then I can start building houses and hotels, I’ll win after all!”

D: “wish I was there to play as well, throw some hotels at your face”

p: “we’ll see each other soon”

D: “yeah. See you soon <3… - adrenaline rushed through Dan’s body for a moment. Then he deleted that last heart.

D: "yeah. See you soon”

Dan ground his teeth and stood up from his bed once again, pacing the room. He decided to lay down on the floor instead. He dug his finger nails into his hands. Dan wanted to go back to insanity. He wanted it so bad. He laughed through the tears that were free-flowing down the sides of his face. His plans from years ago, they had seemed so waterproof, and everything had gone so well. He’d befriended his hero, he’d moved in with him and become his best friend. He saw him from so close, every goddamn day. With the grey and brown in his roots showing, with his glasses on, in his boxers. Phil was so fucking sexy. Dan could smell him every day, he could wear his clothes to bed once Phil had thrown them in the laundry. He could watch Phil watch anime, watch his smile crinkle his face. 

His plans had backfired so miserably. He was closer to Phil than anyone, and precisely because of that, he was the furthest away from his ultimate goal, and would never be able to reach it. Dan and Phil were best friends. He could only honor that friendship if he put his own selfish needs and wants under wraps. Even though he couldn’t help staring at Phil’s lips, or help his pupils from dilating when Phil put his face close to Dan while banting, which he did a lot. But he could stop himself from crossing that line, from leaning in too far, from caressing Phil’s beautiful face, from tracing the freckles on his back. And with the years he’d gotten better at it. As long as he was in the maddeningly euphoric state that was being next to Phil, he could bear the pain that came with it and forget himself. He just wanted to go home. 

“Maybe next year I will have the courage to tell him…” the most hollow of new year’s resolutions.


End file.
